You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
