I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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