so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
