At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
