Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
