shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
