FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
