you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
