just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize