I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
