sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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