I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
