Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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