How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
