I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
