If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
