i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
