a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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