I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you win again, gameday.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
