HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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