Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
