chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
