oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
