just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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