2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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