She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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