Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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