Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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