I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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