I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
