One girl and one boy is just not enough.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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