We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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