Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
