we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
