I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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