When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
