You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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