Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
