Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
