One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
