party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
