I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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