So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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