Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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