I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
