I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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