Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
