You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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