Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
