Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
