I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
