Buhtt sex?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just forgot I was standing up.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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