It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There r osticjed everywhere
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
