I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
