Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
