So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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