I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
