idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
