and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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