god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
