first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
