and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
