Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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