I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
