I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
