If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
only you would photoshop your dick
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
