maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
how drunk are you?
Several
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
