I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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